Saturday, May 11, 2013

Way too many questions...

Way Too Many Questions

I recon you'll get bored after the first 20, but hey...

Who closes the door after the bus driver gets off the bus?
Why are pizza boxes square when the pizza is round?
What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E.
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ?
Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
What do you call a female daddy long legs?
If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up?
In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast?
Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?
Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?
If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ?
Why are SOFTballs hard?
Do vampires get AIDS?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps?
Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring?
If you stole a pen from a bank then would it still be considered a bank robbery?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Why can magicians make things disappear into thin air, but not thick air?
Can people without hands get a grip?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink what ever comes out"?
What do people in China call their good plates?
Can you sentence a homeless man to house arrest?
If feathers tickle people, do they tickle birds?
Does a postman deliver his own mail?
Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why dosent a chicken egg taste like chicken?
Why is it that cargo is transported by ship while a shipment is transported by car?
Does peanut butter really have butter in it?
Do mimes watch silent movies?
Is the fear of flying groundless?
Why do people say "You scared the living daylights out of me" when daylight is not living?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up "there" anyway?
If somebody vanished without a trace, how do people know they are missing?
Why are boxing rings square?
Why is it called pineapple, when's there neither pine nor apple in it?
Why is it called eggplant, when there's no egg in it?
Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
Why do birds have white poop?
Can good looking Eskimo girls be called hot?
Why is an elevator still called an elevator even when its going down?
Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.
If love is blind, how can we believe in love at first sight?
If you accidently ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?
Do sore thumbs really stick out?
Why is it when you're almost dead you're on deaths doorstep, but when you're actually dead your not in deaths house?
Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?
What's the opposite of opposite?
If Practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
Why are toe nail clippers bigger than finger nail clippers when your toe nails are smaller than your finger nails?
Is the opposite of "out of whack" "in whack" ?
If you try to fail and suceed, what did you just do?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why is the blackboard green?
Why do they call it a black light when it's really purple?
Why do hotdogs come in packs of 8 when hotdog rolls come in packs of 10?
What do you call male ballerinas?
How come the sun makes your skin darker but your hair lighter?
If you dig a tunnel straight through the earth, will you come out with your feet first?
Why are pennies bigger than dimes?
Did they have antiques in the olden days?
Are zebras black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?
If Pringles are "so good that once you pop, you can't stop" why do they come with a resealable lid?
Is a sleeping bag a nap sack?
What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
Where does the white go when the snow melts?
Can blind people see their dreams?
What is the exception to the rule that every rule has an exception? Does that make this rule right or wrong?
Why do you click on start to exit Microsoft Windows?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If we all evolved from monkeys, how come there's still monkeys around now?
Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
If Wile Coyote had enough money for all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If masochists like to torture themselves, wouldn't they do it best by not torturing themselves? and if so, aren't we all masochist?
Why is it called lipstick when it always comes off?
Why is black history month (February) the shortest month of the year?
If when people freak out they are said to be "having a cow", when cows freak out are they said to be "having a person?"
Aren't you tired of people asking you rhetorical questions and you don't know if they are rhetorical questions or not?
Why is a person that handles your money called a BROKER?
Why do we leave expensive cars in the drivway, when we keep worthless junk in the garage?
Why do they have handicap parking spaces in front of they skating rings?
What happens if someone loses a lost and found box?
Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?
What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?
If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?
What would happen if an Irresistable Force met an Immovable Object?
What's the difference between a wise man and a wise guy?
If Americans throw rice at weddings, do the Chinese throw hamburgers?
How can you chop down a tree and then chop it up?
Why are both male and female ladybugs called ladybugs instead of ladybugs and manbugs?
How can you hear yourself think?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Is a man full of wonder a wonderful man?
Is a hot car cool or is a cool car hot?
How come thaw and unthaw mean the same thing?
If The Flintstones were B.C. and before America, why did they have Flintstones Thanksgiving and Flintstones Christmas?
If a Man is talking in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?
Why is it that when a person tells you there's over a million stars in the universe you believe them, but if someone tells you there's wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
If you fed a bee nothing but oranges, would it start making marmalade?
Why is it you get a penny for your thoughts, but have to put in your two cents worth?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
If the speed of movement is slower than the speed of light - how fast is a moving light?
Why do you get on a bus and a train but get into a car?
Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?
How can something be new and improved? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Is Disney world the only people trap operated by a mouse?
Why did they name that underwear company fruit of the loom?
Why do grocery stores buy so many checkout line registers if they only keep 3 or 4 open?
Why is the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star the same tune?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
How does santa get into a house that doesn't have a chimney?
If you get cheated by the better business bereau, who do you complain to?
If you're in hell, and are mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
What would Geronimo say if he jumped out of an airplane?
What would Cheese say if they got their picture taken?
Why are turds pinched off at the end?
I know you can be overwhelmed, and I know you can be underwhelmed, but can you just be whelmed?
If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
If you take an oriental person and spin him around a few times, does he become disoriented?
How come overtones and undertones are the same thing?
What would you use to dilute water?
What should one call a male ladybird?
How can military troops be deployed if they have never been ployed to begin with?
If you lived in Siberia and you wronged the Russians government, where would they send you?
Why do they call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere but call it a hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
If a cow laughed real hard, would milk come out her nose?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Aren't all generalizations false?
Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Can I get arrested for running into a Fire House yelling Movie! Movie!?
Can you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone ever get addicted to counseling?
If so, how could you treat them?
Did Adam and Eve have navels?
Did the early settlers ever go on a camping trip?
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Do one legged ducks swim in circles?
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as 4's?
Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?
Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?
How can someone "draw a blank"?
How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
How can there be "self help GROUPS"?
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you know when yogurt goes bad?
How do you know when you're out of invisible ink?
How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
If a jogger runs a the speed of sound can he still hear his walkman?
If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
If God sneezes...what should you say?
If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
If you take a shower, where do you put it?
If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
Is it possible to be totally partial?
Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Is there a Dr. Salt?
Isn't hot water already hot?
Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
What came first the chicken or the egg?
What color is a chameleon on a mirror?
What colour would a smurf turn if you choked it?
What did we do before the Law of Gravity was passed?
What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?
What do sheep count when they can't sleep?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?
What does it mean if you break a mirror with a rabbits foot?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
What happened to the first 6 ups?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What happens when you call a 1-800 number collect?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What is another word for "thesaurus"?
What is the speed of dark?
What part of the monkey do you use a monkey wrench on?
What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
What's another word for synonym?
When blind people go to the bathroom, how do they know when they are done wiping their butt?
When people lose weight, where does it go?
When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
When vultures are on their deathbed, are they ever tempted to eat themselves?
When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?
When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Where are Preparations A through G?
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
Who invented accents?
Who tows the tow trucks when they break down?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
Why are the cabs from the Yellow Cab Company painted orange?
Why are there never any artist's materials in a drawing room?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Why are they called 'stands' when they're made for sitting?
Why are we afraid of falling? Shouldn't we be afraid of the sudden stop?
Why aren't there bullet-proof pants?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why didn't Luke Skywalker tell Darth Vader to turn to the light side of the Force?
Why do airlines call flights nonstop? Won't they all stop eventually?
Why do bars advertise live bands?
What does a dead band sound like?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
If your feet smell and your nose runs, are you built upside down?
Why do guys wear underpants?
Why do people who only eat natural foods drink decaffeinated coffee?
Why do they call it disposable douche? Is there a kind of douche you keep after using?
Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do they report power outages on TV?
Why do they sell a pound cake that only weighs 12 ounces?
Why do 'tug'boats push their barges?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Why do we have hot water heaters?
Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why do you weep and sniffle over a TV program and the imaginary Why does "cleave" mean both split apart and stick together?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing?
Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Why don't you ever see baby pigions?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called a bust, when it stops right before the part it is named after?
Why is it called a TV "set" when you only get one?
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
Why is it when two planes almost hit each other it is called a "near miss"?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the word "abbreviate" so long?
Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?
Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?
Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?
Why isn't "palindrome" spelled the same way backwards?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?
Have ex-bankers become disinterested?
Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted?
Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed?
Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional?
Have ex-punsters been expunged?
Did you really get this far?!
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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

To my future daughters..

I'm beginning to think about the future quite a bit.

I know that sounds like it's a little late, but frankly, I've been too busy just getting through the present, crossing bridges as I get to them because there just seemed to be so damned many of them. Many of those bridges were built by me. Some were not.

I feel something is about to give, though. I'm sitting right here on the very edge of being broke, and FINALLY doing something about it. I'm close.

So I've allowed myself to think a little further into the future.. to consider the women I would like my daughters to grow up to be (definitely not like their mother).

This poses a slight worry when watching tv. (For those who are unfamiliar,  I don't watch much tv. Truth is, I think maybe I'm just too sensitive for tv. It depresses me.)

On some true crime show, a young woman had gotten into drugs & prostitution,  both tragedies in their own rights.

You know who missed her when she died? Her mama. For two years, the young girl struggled through the seedier parts of life while calling mama every week and telling her she was doing "just fine" in school.

Be it fear of disappointment,  or protecting her mother, I'm not sure. All I know is that if only her mother had known, they might have gotten through it together.

So, while I'm not quite sure what kind of people my daughters will turn out to be, I ask only this: No matter what mistakes you make, no matter what situation you find yourself in, call mama. Come home. Don't suffer alone. I'm strong enough to handle your darkest sorrows, and I love you enough to get over ANY disappointments.

No one on this Earth will ever love you as much as I do.  Mistakes WILL be made. I've made them and everyone you've ever known has made them. There's no mistake too big to come back from.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Photographers VS. Designers

DISCLAIMER: This photo was taken by Darren Johnson from (Visit to find popular photography locations all around the world.)

Darren Johnson neither endorsed nor approved of the message. (Although I'd hope he'd agree.)

I didn't watermark this. I truly have decided I am not a designer. At least not yet. While I may ARRANGE things using a combination of images, effects, text, etc. I have not truly begun to design until I begin coming up with my own photography ideas. Photographers are truly the designers.

So this.. this ironic piece? Not watermarking. I didn't design crap. I simply did EXACTLY what the message makes fun of. And I'll be damned if I take credit for that.

Thursday, April 18, 2013


My favorite animals have always been the predators.

Even the common house cat that I get my nickname from is a predator. Not only is he a predator,  but he is one of the cruelest.

Cats, big and small, are one of the most fearsome predators, but my favouritism doesn't stop there.

My favorite animals include sharks, killer whales, seals, snakes...

I wonder if this says something about my psyche?

Sunday, March 31, 2013

How much do you really know about sex? Answers. (BBMPU Fans.)

People who have sex about three times a week are perceived to look younger. How much younger? A. 4 - 7 years.

Who places a higher importance on looks when looking for a casual sex partner, women or men? Women. Was this really surprising?

Other than the genitals and the breasts, what is the only other body part that routinely swells during intercourse? The nose. This is because it is made of the same stuff the penis is.

Some women experience orgasms while breastfeeding. True.

Which age group has the most frequent sex? C. 35 - 45 years.

How long does sex between mosquitoes last? 2 seconds.

Which country leads the world in condom use? Japan.  Like cosmetics, they're sold door to door, by women.

What temperature do sperm banks typically store their sperm at? -321ºF

Tribadism is: B. When two women rub their genitals together.

Fellatio is the correct term for: A. When a person performs oral sex on a man.

Irrumatio is an aggressive form of: C. Oral sex.

Pegging is: A. When a woman uses a strap-on dildo to anally penetrate a man.

Urophagia is the term for: B. Consuming urine.

Pompoir is: B. When a woman clenches her pc muscles (the muscles inside the vagina) during sexual intercourse.

Coitus Interruptus is also known as: B. Pulling out.

Intercrural sex is a form of safe sex in which: C. A man thrusts his penis between a person's thighs.

Before being published as a novel, the Ray Bradbury novel Fahrenheit 451 was originally serialized in what mens magazine? a.Playboy

What vegetable was valued as an aphrodisiac by ancient Egyptians?
b. lettuce

Because of the legend that grew surrounding its alleged hugeness, the penis of what American gangster came to be housed at the Smithsonian Institute? b. John Dillinger

The term erotica is derived from the name of whose famous lover? A. Psyche

Recently uncovered murals from ancient Pompeii depict couples enjoying what kinky fun pastime? D. Spanking

Which American religious leader was married to at least 33 different women, according to historical research? C. Joseph Smith

According to legend what famous female ruler supposedly died while having relations with a horse? A. Katherine the Great of Russia

What famous beauty was fathered by womanizer, Pope Alexander VI? C. Lucrecia Borgia

What book has been banned or at least censored in certain American school systems because of its alleged risqué passages? B. The Bible

What famous ruler kept a large, comfortably furnished harem located underground? D. Cleopatra (I'm loving this woman more and more.)

What ancient manuscript on sex includes sections on dream interpretation and medical remedies for common sexual maladies? B. The Perfumed Garden

Biographers have speculated what American singer/entertainer had romantic fantasies about his mother? C. Elvis Presley

What sexual practice has most often been found depicted on pottery made by ancient Central American peoples? D. Anal sex

The term Teratophilia means what? C. a person who is sexually attracted to deformed individuals

The god Zeus ravished the beautiful Spartan princess Leda while he was disguised as what animal? D. A swan.

Monday, February 25, 2013

Balancing a Job, a Teeny Business, Planning a Wedding and Kids.

First of all, let me state for the record that I fully realize there are mothers out there with busier schedules than mine. I realize that there are single mothers who DON'T have the help that I am blessed with. I used to be one of those single mothers.

This blog is not about complaining.  This is just about my life.

I started Kittn's Purrfections in October 2010 when I had no job, a child in school, and a quiet pre-schooler at home. Immediately, I realized I was wayyy over my head. Owning a business online can be a VERY scary place. I was starting up with almost no start up cash, and a dream in my eye.

KP has had its ups and its downs, mainly from the financial side. I had no idea how steeply I was undercharging the customers, wanting only to offer FAIR prices to my fans who I had grown to laugh and cry with. Not only did they earn the title Purrfectionistas, but many earned the title of friend as well. In the process of making sure they got amazing prices, I forgot to be fair to myself.

In September 2011, my family and I hit rock bottom. My fiance'e was laid off after an injury that put him out for 6 weeks. (Ever broke your tailbone? I have. Twice. And Mister Boss Man, the agony my darling felt those 6 weeks from being injured on YOUR farm was all too real.)

I no longer had ANY funds to make up for the extra costs. Faced with closing KP down, I stood before my Purrfectionistas, my friends, and laid it all out. I was done for. I had never been one to give up easily, but this is a woman who couldn't even keep her electricity on, much less keep up with a business that was steadily costing money to run, and not giving anything back.

Those same friends didn't give up so easy. Always understanding and always kind, they cheered me on the days I needed heroes, the days I thought I could never smile.

But I did slow down. I took more time to fix my own problems, getting jobs while my fiance'e searched desperately for work. (He has a blip on his background that I won't bother going into,  at least not in this blog.)

I even started working towards my GED, an accomplishment that I couldn't be more proud of.

My mom passed in September 2012 and threw me for another loop. My friends in real life, online, and KP suffered horribly. I was in a foul mood for months, easy to piss off, and quick to tear up. I was a wreck.

Then one shiny day, I woke up with a smile. I had woken to a busy, BUSY day of school, work, and advertising to get KP back up and running. It felt natural, right some how. Kids were put on the school bus, I worked until 6pm, came home to homework & baths (Thank Goodness dinner is DADDY's job) and tucked safely into bed.

Oh how I wanted to rest my tired feet. Instead,  I spent the next 48 hours posting brand new items, at amazing prices, and advertising the hell out of my shop. If you were on Facebook in those 48 hours, I apologize for the spam in your news feeds.

It worked. I've since spent several 48 hour blocks on the shop, and three weeks later, I'm consistently selling enough that I have a few bucks saved to start making up those lost giveaway items and packages that I owe.

It's neverending. It's exhausting. Tuesday through Friday I am home with my children, and constantly chugging through on KP. If I don't post sales and discounts,  I don't sell. If I don't constantly reach out to NEW fans, I don't sell. Tuesday through Friday, I'm a walking zombie. Saturday through Monday, I work from 9 - 7, if not later. Generally, I fall asleep after work, or work on a Facebook page that I admin for in my rare free time.

So why did I wake up smiling?

Because simply put, I woke up with a plan. I had gained my GED with high scores, had a plan for college (for my lifetime choice of career) if I could just get my hands on a laptop, and I knew what I would have to do to see KP shine once again.

For the first time in over a year, I felt in control, and blessed. I knew it would be hard, and it HAS been. However, the rewards of self worth, confidence, and this newfound smile makes every single day worth it.

I couldn't have done it without my Purrfectionistas, my amazing fiance'e, and three amazing children who understand more than they should about being poor and hard times.

Yep. I'm pretty damned blessed and I'm loving every crazy, hectic, stressful moment.